I hope you’ll all forgive me this week if I don’t offer any deep thoughts or political commentary or anecdotal stories about my own experiences.
To be brutally honest, I just don’t have the time. Due to the Labor Day holiday, I’m facing a Friday deadline instead of the usual Monday night press time – and as I usually compose my Ravings in a more leisurely way on Sunday afternoons, I’m just having to toss something out as fast as I can this Friday morning.
So for your reading enjoyment – and to save myself time and fill up some page space – here are some interesting and amusing quotes from famous people I scrounged off the internet:
•J. P. Getty: “My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.”
•Reba McEntire: “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.”
•James A. Garfield: “Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”
•Thomas Sowell: “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”
•Oscar Wilde: “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
•Mel Brooks: “I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I’m one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.”
•S.E. Hinton: “I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me.”
•Abraham Lincoln: “No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”
•Mark Twain: “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
•Groucho Marx: “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
•W. C. Fields: “I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”
•Jay Leno: [Putting his arms around British personality and food journalist Nigella Lawson] “My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that’s OK!”
•Jerry Seinfeld: “Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.”
•Ambrose Bierce: “Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
•Cary Grant: “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
•Oscar Levant: “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.”
•Luis Bunuel: “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.”
•George Burns: “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
•Mark Twain: “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.”
•Pablo Picasso: “I’d like to live like a poor man—only with lots of money.”
•Mark Twain: “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
•Sen. Bob Dole: “Our intent will not be to create gridlock. Oh, except maybe from time to time.”
•Groucho Marx: “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
•Jim Carrey: “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
•Henny Youngman: “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”
•Steve Martin: “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
•Josh Billings: “Every man has his follies—and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.”
•Anthony Burgess: “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
•W. H. Auden: “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.”
